What is Authentic Communication?
Posted on Tue, Jun 16, 2009 @ 04:37 PM
A guest post by Maryanne Colter:
A commonly used phrase in job interviews and resumes is ‘strong communication skills', but what does this really mean? The phrase is usually used in the context of being able to speak and write well. According to Dr. Vicky Gordon, who recently completed her research on 20 CEOs from the world's most admired companies, those are not cutting it anymore.
Leaders must be able to communicate "authentically" and those on the receiving end don't consider just being "talked at" authentic communication; they want to be engaged in the process. According to Dr. Vicky, in this age of massive amounts of information, one-way communication is not likely to be interpreted as credible or trustworthy. The information generation has introduced a very healthy bit of skepticism about taking for granted the truth of what is said by those at the top of the Org-chart.
There are many components to engaging in authentic communication and the one that seems the most obvious is often the one left out: the skill of listening.
New meets old: The Talking Stick Approach
There is an old Native American tradition of using a ‘talking stick'. This can be a stick, any other object, or even just a thought you hold in your mind as you practice listening (and yes, good listening must be ‘practiced' just like anything else). The tradition goes that the person holding the stick speaks first and everyone else must repeat what the speaker said, not verbatim, but in the listeners own words until the speaker feels that the listeners' words accurately reflect what she said. The speaker can say, "No, I don't think you really heard me" and tries again to express her thoughts or concerns. She keeps the stick and the process repeats until she feels everyone ‘got it'.
People often hear more than what you said
One amazing thing that comes from this approach is what people really hear! When expressing opinions and positions, the listeners will often hear more than the words being spoken. They will often respond with things like, "I am hearing you are not flexible about this" or "I am hearing how sad you are about this". The speaker is now on the hook to acknowledge if what the listener said is true.
Practical uses
If you are say... going through a messy divorce or wrestling with an especially contentious business issue (or perhaps you happen to be the chief negotiator for peace in the Middle East) you may want to go through this entire process. The reality is not many of us have the time, but you can benefit from the idea.
Next time someone is talking in a meeting, listen as if you had to repeat back what she said. Notice how many times your mind drifts to something else or you start planning how you are going to respond (and how would you...could you... respond if you haven't heard the whole thing?). Just catch yourself and come back to listening. Check what you thought you ‘heard' in the form of a non-confrontational question, like "How much flexibility do you have about this issue?"
When you can get through a meeting without drifting, add "excellent listening skills" to your application for promotion.
About Maryanne Colter
Maryanne Colter is a business consultant and certified coach. She has 20 years consulting experience primarily in the fashion and footwear industry with such noted companies as Nike, Levi Strauss, and K-Swiss. She began her consulting career on the technical side of Information Technology and quickly realized that soft skills were of equal importance to the success of IT projects so expanded her practice to train and coach technical teams in personal development and communication skills. She has recently formed a partnership with three other strong women leaders to help clients manage the technical changes impacting the Health Care Industry. She is a graduate of the University of Illinois, certified as an Integral Coach from New Ventures West, and is currently working on a Masters in Business Ethics at Loyola University in Chicago.