Women's Leadership Blog

Battling the Boss: Creating Better Relationships

One of the roles that I have always enjoyed in my professional career is that of a Mentor and inevitably, while working with a mentee the conversation will drift to their relationship with their supervisor and the challenges they are experiencing.  I’ve heard countless horror stories (taken with a grain of salt, of course) recounted from both managers and direct reports.  Always the theme surrounds the employee or manager as a victim of the situation with little control over the relationship and resolution.

However, identification of yourself as a victim removes the focus on resolution….regardless of your place within the relationship. 

The Root of the Problem

Most challenges between a supervisor and a direct report come from a mismatch in maturity.  Placing maturity on a scale…low maturity equals a very tactical focus with high maturity translating to strategic behaviors.  This can, at times, place managers and employees at odds with one another as their focus and needs become conflicted.   An easier way to understand this relationship is with the use of a four box model.  Within this framework it is ideal for a manager and employee to be in either the first or fourth quadrant with one another.  The second and third can cause tremendous challenges if not managed well:

[First Quadrant] Loss of Vision:  When both the Manager and Employee have low maturity levels. 

There is intense focus on tactical follow through as both the manager and employee grapple with the day to day understanding of their positions.  The main benefit here is that the manager will need to have a high level of visibility into what their direct reports are accomplishing, and their direct reports will need a high level of direction.  Both will be equally comfortable with this intense level of oversight.

Ideally the manager is in the process of transitioning from a low to high maturity level through leadership development programs.  A challenge can occur if an employee is developing in maturity more quickly than the manager, and begins to need less and less tactical oversight. For an immature manager this can lead to feelings of loss of control, or disempowerment.  The team itself can also suffer from a loss of strategic direction and prioritization due to the manager’s immaturity with a resulting focus on busy work, and inability to tie work to company goals.

[Second Quadrant] Micro-Management:  When the Manager has a low level of maturity and the Employee has a high level of maturity.

This is one of the most challenging quadrants for an employee to find themselves within.  Managers with low levels of maturity often utilize intense oversight and involvement to feel in control of their teams, and in many ways this empowers them to continue to learn themselves.  However, for an employee who has a higher level of maturity this management style translates to a feeling of being micro-managed and not trusted. 

Managers within this quadrant often feel intimidated or overwhelmed by their higher maturity direct reports.  In addition, they will typically complain that their direct report is intentionally hiding information or undermining them.

[Third Quadrant] Tactical Nightmare:  When the Manager has a high maturity level, and the Employee has a low maturity level.

Equally as frustrating for an employee can be the tactical nightmare quadrant.  Managers within this quadrant have high levels of trust in their employees, and typically utilize MBO’s (Management by Objective) as opposed to tactical oversight (Management by Inspection).  These managers tend to set high level goals, tie their organizations work to company goals (or at least their immediate organization) and spend much of their time focusing outward and upward within the organization.  Employees within this quadrant are low in maturity level and often frustrated by the lack of involvement of their manager.  They are in need of a manager who will work with them to outline clear steps to success (problem breakdown) and struggle to move forward without the additional help. 

[Fourth Quadrant] Utopia:  When the Manager and Employee have high maturity levels

Utopia exists when a Manager and Employee have equally high levels of maturity.  This type of relationship is ideal as the manager has a high level of trust in their direct reports, and the employees themselves are equally as trusting of their manager.  Micro-management becomes a thing of the past as Managers set higher level objectives and employees understand not only what is expected of them but how to get there on their own. 

What To Do If You Are Battling The Boss:

First and foremost, remember that taking the victim role will not help you to resolve the challenges you are experiencing.  Victimization places you in a role where the perception is that things are being “done to you” as opposed to a participant role where you are capable of changing the outcome.

• Understand that you are not a victim, but a participant in the relationship you have with your manager.  Accept responsibility and your ability to make change occur.
• Remove your emotions from the situation.  Extremely difficult to do but essential for looking at the situation from a fact based, realistic point of view.
• Understand your own maturity level, and that of your Manager.  Create a list how you and your manager have been contributing to the relationship in negative and positive ways. 
• Work with your manager to discuss ways that you can continue with the positive and make changes with regard to the negative.  For example:
  •   A low maturity level manager can be walked through the process of setting high level objectives.  Agree with the manager on a timeline for “checking in”.  If the manager continues to micro-manage – calmly remind them about the agreement regarding check-in time periods, and your willingness to let them know immediately if there is a problem.
  • If your maturity level is low…research opportunities for additional education and talk to your manager about the need to attend.  Most likely your high maturity manager is already aware they are having difficulty providing enough oversight for you….this provides a positive way the manager can benefit the relationship without having to admit fault.

Remember, it is difficult for a Manager to remember that employees require different levels of engagement based on maturity and even more challenging for an employee to understand their Manager is maturing in their role as well.  Keep this in mind, understand your own role in the situation, and move forward towards a better relationship.

About the author: Celeste Paradise is an award-winning Silicon Valley Professional with 10+ years IT experience in media, advertising, operations management/optimization, social media & marketing.  You can connect with her via: